In the end there was you
by goldenboat
Summary: Alexander and Hephaistion are gifted with a blessing in the form a cyan eyed, brown haired personification of paradise. This is about their struggles and victories, fights and makeups and love on the path of life and parenthood. New discoveries, new joys and new sorrows change their lives like never before. A new sun in the sky and a new storm brewing in the horizon.


Alexander was running through the forest. He knew he should be walking..that running destroyed the purpose of his haste….but he was helpless. Right at that moment his power and his wealth amounted to nothing. They had failed him when he needed them most.

His love was at stake. And so was his life. But death seemed so much sweeter than the precious loss he was experiencing right then. He could feel every drop of blood oozing from him as he ran. He was losing his baby. He was losing his Phai. And he didn't know what to do.

"Don't…don't go. Please!" he kept on repeating like a mantra. But the sound of his voice was lost in the air due to his frantic pace. No one heard his silent prayer save the one who heard everything.

"I lied..I promise. I..I love you. Don't go please." he murmured as if like a prayer. Alexander regretted every word he had uttered…everything he had done. A pair of tearful cyan eyes came to haunt his very being. "You'll cry the most when he's gone." his Phai had said in their last meeting after an exchange of hurtful words. How true those words were. Here he was running to save something he had loathed so far. Because he knew, if his baby was gone….he would follow soon.

A gut wrenching sob broke out of him. He had mistaken a blessing for a curse. He had cared about what others would think..what his subjects would say. He wanted to save himself from ridicule..from cruel sneers of his companions…from becoming the laughing stock of his people. He was lost in the false notions of honor, prestige and masculinity. He was so lost in the world outside that he lost touch with what's within. But when his wish was granted, he realized how trivial his fear was.

Because of him, a blue eyed little Phai would never see the lights of the world.

His chiton was caught in the thorns of a dense shrub. It ripped his cloth and tore through his arm. But it had very little effect on the golden haired man. After a while he reached his destination. The dense forest had thinned and at the end of it stood an old temple. It looked like a deserted one but Alexander knew better. He knew that if there was a smidgeon of hope for his little Phai….it was inside the temple. By the time he reached the gate he was breathing hard. The run had taken away the last reserve of his energy along with his blood. Little drops of sweat were falling from his golden mane. What remained of his shredded chiton was drenched. He knocked the door loudly.

"Eusebius! Are you there? Ple..Please open the door!" he cried. He was the ruler of the world. But right at that moment he was nothing but a father. He would beg if he had to. He would apologize if he needed to. Only if the man inside would open the door. But he couldn't knock any longer. His limbs gave away. He kneeled down in front of the gate, covered his eyes with his dirty hands and started sobbing.

At last the gates creaked and opened.. exposing an old man dressed in a white robe. The wrinkle at the corner of his eyes told his age as did the silvery hair that hung from his shoulders. But his gaze was full of kindness. His eyes fell on the fallen man and widened.

He placed a hand on the golden mane and murmured , "What happened my child? What brings you here at this hour?"

Alexander looked up at Eusebius through his pain filled eyes and got up on his feet. Standing before the old man, his hands reached under his chiton and came out bloody. He showed his bloody palm to Eusebius and whimpered, "My..my baby Eusebius! Please save him? I've lost my Phai. Please save my baby!"

No sooner that the words left his mouth, Alexander fainted and fell on the ground. But Eusebius was quick to catch him midway and break his fall. He looked at the unconscious man and sighed. He looked nothing like the majestic ruler he had seen at the royal court..or the fearsome warrior sitting atop his horse inducing fears in everybody.

The Alexander lying before him was different. His hollowed eyes told him about the mental agony the man was going through. His slightly bloated belly told him about one of the most precious miracles on his earth. And his bloody thighs told Eusebius about the ultimate truth…that Alexander was losing his baby.

Eusebius knew that he had to act fast. Every passing moment wrote a death sentence to the unborn. "Elpis? Please come here my child!" he shouted.

Within moments a lean young woman appeared. She looked not even eighteen but her gaze was a mature one. She took one look at the scene in front of her and understood. Without any further words both of them carried the unconscious bleeding man inside the old temple and laid him on a bed.

They took one look at the king and knew…

They had to save the baby at any cost. Or three precious lives would be lost.

****  
"Phai!" a shrill scream shattered the silence of the old temple and the jungle around.

It was dark outside. The eastern sky was painted with smudges crimson and orange, but the sun was yet to come. The whole world was buried under spell of Hypnos save two sets of eyes inside the dilapidated building. Eusebius sighed. He didn't know how much more he could take. In his long life as a healer he had learnt to distance himself from his patient. He always believed that the doctor had to be impassive to heal his patient. But the golden haired man lying motion less on the bed, made it impossible for him to be impassive. Once in a while Alexander let out a loud pain filled whimper. Even in his state of unconsciousness he called for the one he loved the most. His Phai. His broken tone ripped the defenses that Eusebius had carefully constructed around himself over the years. But his insight prompted him to prepare himself. The worst was yet to come.

Alexander opened his eyes to a strange murkiness. Something warm and soft was caressing his hair. Someone moistened his perched lips with water. Pungent smell of herbs invaded his nostrils. He could even detect the strong heady odor of blood. He was a warrior. This smell has accompanied him throughout his life..he knew it more than anything else. But something was missing. Something was wrong in the soothing touch. Throughout his life his periods of sickness were accompanied by a loving presence by his bedside. Two hands..roughened by battle yet soft as petals caressed his hair in this similar manner during those times. Phai's touch was different…But Phai had a ring on his finger just like this one. The fevered mind filled with a hope. Phai had forgiven him and came back. He reached out for his Phai in darkness.

"Phai? You..you came?" he murmured trying to get hold of the soothing hands. Moving his head to one side he opened his eyes to look at the owner of the captive hands.

"Phai?" he whimpered again. It was then he saw the truth. Phai wasn't there. It was Elpis..the young girl he met at the gates. She was the one at his bedside..running her soft hands through his sweaty mane. Alexander closed his eyes and tried to breathe deeply, only to wince in return. His entire body was thrumming with pain. He could feel bandages around his belly. His foggy mind didn't comprehend the true meaning of the bandages. But all of a sudden everything came back to him. His eyes widened and he tried to get up…only to find that his hands were not cooperating with him.

An ugly choking fear threatened to engulf him. They had to kill his baby and cut him off from him.

"I want it gone…." he hears someone shouting in a fit of rage. It was his voice. He had uttered these words and his wish was granted.

Lying in a strange bed…. stripped of all his invisible armors…..snatched away from his Phai, Alexander's eyes filled with tears. He couldn't even curse the Gods above. But he didn't mean it. Couldn't the Gods know the difference between words spoken in the heat of the moment and the true feelings of a father's heart? He had lost Phai again.

Someone interrupted his darkened musings. "Open your eyes my king. Its time." he heard the words near his ears. Alexander opened his eyes and looked to his side.

It was Eusebius. The old man kneeled before the bed and sighed in relief. In all his life as someone who healed people on a regular basis, he had never seen a miracle before. He had been able to do the unthinkable and he was wise enough to know a miracle when he saw it.

Eusebius had seen enough. But he had never seen inevitable death return from door steps empty handed. He had been preparing himself for the loss of two precious lives. Yet, in between waiting for death, he had seen life taking on its usual course. He never thought he could save Alexander with his meager supplies and skills. He never thought a baby could survive in the harsh world without completing full term in the womb of his father. He had never seen a father taking on the most tender role known in mankind…that of a mother. Yet all these things happened in the old temple of his. He looked up and murmured a silent prayer. He was thankful indeed.

"Alexander?" started Eusebius.

The face of the golden haired man crumpled. "He's gone. Why..why did you let me live?" he replied. Nothing mattered any more. He had lost everything in a space of one night. Love, hope and reason to live.

"I'm a king first Hephaistion! No matter what I become, that's what I'll always be. I've duties. Everything comes after that. Don't forget it." He heard himself say. Was it him saying these words or was it another Alexander all together?

Then he heard the reply in the form of a calm emotionless voice. "All right your majesty. But when he's gone…you'll be the one to cry the most." His Phai had replied.

"I want him gone General Hephaistion!" He heard himself say in a fit of thoughtless rage.

Tears had spilled over from two cyan eyes. Not a word…or a sigh…or a cutting remark. His Phai had bowed before him.

"And that's what you'll ever be." his Phai had replied before leaving.

He regretted so many things. The lies he uttered..the way Phai had bowed before him. The way he could hear the heartbreak in his Phai's voice. The way he had called his Phai anything but.

The chain of his thoughts was broken by a touch. "Don't you want to meet him?" Eusebius asked softly, corner of his eyes crinkling in a soft smile. He looked at Elpis and nodded. In response the young girl rose from her seat in Alexander's bedside and went to an adjoining room. Alexander waited silently…his tired eyes tracking her departure from the room. He was too lost to react in any manner.

When she returned she had a tiny wrapped bundle in her hands. Mewling and moving. Alexander hastened to sit up, only to be stopped by Eusebius who helped him to lean against the headboard.

"There's your little Phai. He was very eager to meet you my king." said the young girl as she placed the bundle in Alexander's hands.

At first Alexander froze. It was an unknown sensation for him. He knew love, lust, despair, friendship and hatred. But he couldn't exactly place what he was feeling right at that moment.

Then he looked down. A little red smushed face with two swollen eyelids. A tiny rosebud mouth. Two wizened baby hands curled into a firm grasp. The baby let out a pink wet yawn and opened its eyes. They were cyan. His little Phai.. his little warrior...his little fighter.

"It's all you'll ever be…"

Alexander brought the warm little body close to his chest and sobbed.

Far away in an army camp

"Phai!" he heard someone scream out his name. Hephaistion jerked awake .Someone had called his name. Someone was in pain.

Hephaistion rose from his bed and splashed some water to his face. He couldn't shake the feeling of numbness in his heart. A sharp pain invaded him all of a sudden and Hephaistion clutched his belly. Then the pain vanished. The cry of his name still reverberated in the corners of his mind. Someone was in danger…someone close.

The dawn arrived soon..followed by a bright morning. Hephaistion went on to perform his duties with a heavy mind. At midday he retired to his tent and found the messenger waiting with letters. It made Hephaistion sigh hard. There was no escape how far he went. While going through the documents a little piece of papyrus fell on his feet.

My friend,

Alexander is missing. Come soon.

Ptolemy.

Written in clear bold letters.

Hephaistion dropped everything…his insides chilled in unknown fear.

"It's all you'll ever be."

He had to find Alex.

*****  
Ptolemy shivered at the gloomy look of the royal chambers. The entire room was in utter disarray. Vases lay broken on the ground; everything brittle had been crushed and trampled…as if the whole chamber had been ravaged by something sinister. The royal bed had met the same destiny. Pillows were thrown across the room and blankets torn apart. But what scared him the most was not the scene of the ravage but the drops of blood on the sheets that he found on arrival.

It had been a turbulent night. Everyone could hear the shouts emanating from the royal chamber. It was strangely unnerving for all. A bitter fight between the royal couple destroyed the sense of security of everyone around.

Ptolemy could remember the first time when it all started.

The royal troops had returned after crushing a rebellious tribe in a neighboring area. Ptolemy and a few others were entrusted with the responsibility of looking after the affairs at home. The news of victory had reached the palace, although no one, even for a second, thought otherwise. He was waiting for the king to arrive in the same royal chamber, while conversing with fellow generals there in hushed tones. All of a sudden he heard raised voices approaching the room. Alexander was the first to enter the room followed by his mate. But while the former was clearly upset, the brunette exuded an aura of calm despite his frazzled appearance. Everyone except Ptolemy departed hastily..not wanting to face an angry king and bear his wrath. But Ptolemy remained. He had never been afraid of these two. What happened was very strange. Alexander didn't acknowledge anyone in the room, as if he was lost in a world of his own. Muttering to himself he began pacing in the royal chamber frantically, while Hephaistion looked on with concern. But he suddenly crossed the room to reach the golden haired man. "Alexander? I think you should rest , my king!" he said. Without waiting for the reply he gently dragged his king to the bed and made him lie down. All protests on Alexander's lips died down when he found the brunette wrapping his arms around him. Ptolemy left..finding the moment too private.

That night Hephaistion had come to his room and told him what happened. A few of the rebels had taken shelter in a temple in the area. In spite of Alexander's efforts and leadership. .something horrible had happened. The priestess of the temple was fatally wounded by a rogue arrow and had died.

A noise broke his train of thoughts and brought him to the present. The doors of the room gave a harsh jerk and opened to show Hephaistion standing on the other side.

The following moments were filled with uneasy silence. Ptolemy watched him enter the room and look around. He didn't miss a faint gleam of hopefulness in his cyan eyes..as if his golden one would appear any moment.

Then he looked into Ptolemy's eyes and spoke. "Where is he?" His voice was broken and harsh. It couldn't conceal the fact that Hephaistion had been crying all along .Swollen and blood shot eyes and pale face told Ptolemy everything that he needed to know. But before he could answer he found the cyan eyes fall on the bed. A sob broke out from Hephaistion and he crashed to the ground.

No tears, no grief…nothing. What followed was a stony numb silence.

The brunette was going into shock and Ptolemy knew he had to act fast. If there was even a little hope of finding Alexander..it rested on the man kneeling on the ground before him.

He gripped the slender man by his shoulders and shook him hard…in a silent effort to break his stupor. Hephaistion looked at him with glazed eyes and nodded. "We have to find him.." he spoke as if to himself.

Raising his eyes to his friend his eyes watered again. "He shouldn't have been on a horse. Eusebius forbade him ride horses!" he uttered in a crumpled face.

"He didn't take Bucephalus with him , Hephaistion!" murmured Ptolemy. That's what scared him the most. There were so many enemies around. An Alexander, hurt and vulnerable worsened matters further.

And that's when Hephaistion's face cleared up and a little relieved smile of sunshine broke in it through the cloudy gloom.

"Ptolemy?" he breathed out, "I know where he is!". Both men ran out of the chamber to that seemingly unknown destination.

Very few people knew what happened next. All they saw was two horses galloping out of the palace gates into the dusty horizon….with their riders on their back.

"I'm sorry my king! Forgive me for my insolence. Please?" pleaded Alexander. The object of his request was currently lying on his chest with a very angry expression on his face.. his son. His tiny red face was marred by an adorable frown and little mouth drawn up in the form of a tiny rosebud. Those few moments which he had spent without his baby, due to Eusebius' advise of rest had been pure hell for Alexander.

He never knew.

He had always taken himself as a king and a fierce warrior, a friend and a lover, a student and a son rolled into one. But fatherhood had brought with it a completely different range of sensations. He never knew he could nurture and nourish…soothe and caress.

His body had been bloodied in battlefield numerous times. But it had never before been the sole refuge of a new life. He was feeling overwhelmed and the sleep did him a world of good.

Of course the same couldn't be said about the baby. He had hated every moment apart from his father and tried to voice his complaint to the whole world in a loud tear filled voice.

But that's not surprising at all. What surprised Alexander even more was the fact that every time the baby wept, his heart tore to pieces. He felt like crying as well.

He was sure that if his Phai had been in this situation, he would surely have cried too.

Phai.

"That's what you'll ever be!"

Alexander fell into the clutches of Hypnos with the tiny infant cradled on his chest. It had partly to do with the various herbs given to him by the healer that made him dizzy. But even in sleep his outer conscious was mindful of what's happening outside.

Some voices spoke in subdued tones near his bedside.. a broken voice rising above the rest . Someone touched his face with familiar fingers. He could almost hear soft breaths drawn near his ear..calloused hands caressing his hair.

Above the overpowering smell of pungent herbs and incense burning his nostrils, he could feel the warmth of a body near him. Was there someone else in the room?

What woke him from sleep were not these sensations but something else. An emptiness on his chest. Suddenly he was all too aware of the fact that the weight of the little body resting on his chest was no longer there. His baby…had been taken from him.

Alexander jerked awake, only to come face to face with a pair of beautiful cyan eyes looking at him.

He knew it wasn't a dream. That face made him aware of its reality.

Phai was here.

Phai. Alexander closed his eyes, willing his tears to stop.

"General Hephaistion!" ."That's what you'll ever be!"

Neither spoke. The shrill cry of the baby broke the silence between them all of a sudden.

******  
Tiny.

That was the first expression that came to Hephaistion's mind when he saw him…cuddled on the chest of his golden one. Chubby little arms holding on to the body that carried him…nestled in the crumpled blankets ..rosy lips slightly open with puffs of breath .

He remembered that day. It was etched in his memory in golden letters.

It was a rather laid back meeting. Cassander and Craterus had carried on a successful raid in the neighboring hills where a rebel tribe had raised its head all of a sudden. They were nomadic horsemen who worshipped strange deities and followed unknown customs. Several complaints of missing children and lost livestock had led Alexander to order a raid against them. The raid was a successful one. After the tense moments of waiting for the news, they had returned victorious and were busy regaling tales of the raid.

"I've never seen anything like that Alexander!" uttered Craterus as if to himself.

"What do you mean?" Hephaistion had asked from his seat beside Alexander, only to regret it the next moment.

Widening his eyes, a spooked Craterus answered, "There was blood all over …..the alter of their high god was filled with carcases of animals and little children!"

"Ritual Cannibalism my king." Ptolemy added quietly from the side.

No one saw but Hephaistion noticed. Alexander's face was green. His Alex tried to be strong..but absorbing tales of rotting flesh in his state was difficult even for someone like him .His mighty generals were good men..but not as tuned to Alexander's state as his Phai.

"We killed all except one…" Cassander began only to be interrupted by a frantic Alexander who suddenly got up and ran out of the room ..his mouth closed with both hands.

Cassander looked at Craterus and blushed shamefully. "By Zeus..we are morons….we shouldn't have!"

By the time Hephaistion reached the royal chamber, he saw just what he had expected. Alexander was bent over the privy and retching badly. He reached his lover's trembling form and rubbed his back gently. "It's ok Alex..it's ok" he kept whispering.

The retching stopped and Alexander leant against the warm form behind him. The brunette had his arms around his lover's waist.

This was the moment he felt it. There was a soft flutter in the warm belly under his palm. Once..and twice. As if someone was touching his fingertips stealthily. His cyan eyes widened and he whispered in a voice full of awe.. "Alex?"

A beautiful smile broke in Alexander's tired face. "He's kicking my insides like a mule."

Hephaistion laughed out aloud. "What? You couldn't provide him a horse my king?"

Alexander blushed and then proceeded to wipe off the beautiful smirk in his Phai's face with a kiss.

They ended up lying on the bed..facing each other... as Hephaistion's fingers traced the face of his beloved.

A tap on his shoulders broke his reverie. It was Elpis. "Why don't you go ahead and meet your son?" she asked in a gentle voice.

Hephaistion gulped nervously. He had been waiting for this moment for so long. They had been through so much together. Tears and heartache..fervent prayers and stormy love. Now his little Alexander was here. Now he had finally found his golden one. He would never let him go again.

With these thoughts crisscrossing his mind..Hephaistion approached. Alexander looked very frail..even as he slept. Stinging scent of herbs permeated the room. The air was heavy with incense. The only source of light in the stale room was a window that opened into the bright eastern sky. Their little one was lying on his father's chest blissfully ignorant of the feelings his presence had induced.

Hephaistion slowly approached the sleeping pair . Upon reaching the bedside..he spent several moments looking down at his world. Unable to restrain himself..he placed a little kiss on the ruby lips…one that lingered.

"You really scared me Alex!" he whispered "Don't ever do that again!" He closed his eyes and let himself relax for the first time.

"Alexander will remain sedated for a long time." whispered Elpis from behind his shoulders "Spend this moment getting to know your son."

Hephaistion stilled himself and slowly gathered up his son within the cradle of his arms. The little movement had awakened the baby . But he didn't cry at the change of arms..as if he knew the person who was holding him . He cooed softly and stared unfocusedly at the ceiling.

Hephaistion melted at the sight. He remembered all those nights they had spent arguing how the baby would look like. He wanted a little Alex with golden hair just like his father.

"You'll see Phai..he'll look just like you!" Alexander had said.

And now, as he looked at his little-me version he couldn't help smiling. "You had to listen to him..didn't you?" he asked his little son.

"I wanted to save you from all the teasing about girly eyelashes ." he added in a loving voice.

The baby wiggled a bit and smacked his lips. "My little Helios!" whispered Hephaistion.

All of a sudden Hephaistion's chest felt warm. He looked down at himself and shook his head fondly. His son had decided to mark his father by wetting on his chest at their first meeting.

Hephaistion was in the process of cleaning up his little one when his other half began to wake up. He knew the exact moment when his golden one opened his eyes. There was a pause and suddenly Alexander shot up the bed , hands on his chest. He frantically searched in the crumpled blanket as if to find a lost treasure. "Baby..m..my baby..baby?" he cried out in a hoarse voice.

It was then Alexander saw him. Standing with his back to the window..baby in his arms..his Phai.

The sight made Alexander shut his eyes and open them again. He couldn't believe that Phai was with him again.

"Phai?"

He could speak no longer. His voice shook with all the concealed emotions. He was no longer the majestic ruler who decided fate of the world but a father who thought he had lost everything. A wretched man who had tried to drive away everything he held dear..believing that he didn't deserve them.

Their bodies met in a strong embrace . It would have continued if a little someone hadn't gotten impatient by the lack of attention he was getting from his fathers. Little kitten wails filled the room and Hephaistion handled over the baby to Alexander's chest who let out a happy sigh.

All would be well.

Deep in the hearts of the dark woods..Hurasu was preparing for his ultimate sacrifice.

His tribe was dead. His loved ones had coughed up blood and met their end on the cruel relentless ground. Stench of rotting flesh pervaded the air.

The blond warriors had let him go. His grey hair and wrinkled skin made their ruthless hearts feel merciful. .a mistake that they would all regret.

Sitting before the alter of Angra Mainyu*…he pledged to unleash a holy hell on the blond king .

He picked up a dagger and sliced his wrist. Blood oozed out and fell into the sacrificial fire alight before the dark lord. The ultimate pledge.

He would sacrifice the savior whose birth had altered the balance of evil on earth.

Hurasu would end it all.

His maniac laughter resonated in the dark woods .

The ultimate sacrifice.

TBC

* Old Persian myth name of the source of all evil. I'm just using the name.


End file.
